Mother Fucking Baby Weight

Trying to lose the baby weight.

As far as I’m concerned, we are genetically predisposed to hold onto our fat when we have an infant in case of drought or locusts so I think every mother gets a year pass after having a baby. At least.

That said, my son will be turning 3 in June and I’m still carrying a lot of that extra weight I gained in my pregnancy. I think it’s safe to say that I no longer have baby weight and it’s just “fat”.

I actually lost a lot of the weight the first time around because my son liked to “move” so I walked EVERYWHERE with him so he would sleep. It wasn’t unusual for me to go for a two hour walk. He also liked to sleep on me which hindered my cheesie consumption if I couldn’t get up and get them or if my husband wasn’t in the room.

My second son, however, didn’t really like going for walks and slept like a dream so I sat on the couch and Jabba’d out with Diet Pepsi and chips.

So here I am today, fatter than I want to be and needing to do something about it.

I wanted to find something that I could do that would be inexpensive, easy and uncomplicated. I also wanted to do something that was healthy and wasn’t gimmicky (no cabbage soup toots for me, thanks) so I started looking around.

First thing I decided on was a Jillian Michael’s DVD. I like the idea that I can make an ass of myself in the privacy of my basement and I wouldn’t have to waste the time and the money on going to a gym. A lot of people online seem to like her and she seems a little crazy and intense so I thought that was a good sign. I got the 30 Shred. It sounds fucked up. I’m in.

Second thing I wanted to find was an easy meal plan. I wanted to find something that was laid out for me and essentially said, “Eat this”. I even looked into having meals delivered but it was really expensive plus, I’d still have to make dinner for the rest of my family.

On the other hand, I don’t do well with general weight loss strategies like “no carbs” because it doesn’t take much to throw me off. For example:

“Is this a carb? Damn. I don’t have any boneless chicken right now, I just have these hotdogs. A hotdog isn’t very nutritious. Well, if I’m going to eat a crappy hotdog I may as well have it with the bun and at least enjoy it”

Diet over. Fail.

As luck would have it, my friend Robin came over a couple of weeks ago. Her daughter had just turned one and Robin looked great. I asked her what she did and she told me all the things she was eating and was doing. One of the things she mentioned was this awesome granola bar recipe that kept her feeling full. She sent me the recipe and I immediately ran out and got all the fixin’s and made them. They were so delicious that I ate the whole tray which I somehow doubt is part of an effective weight loss strategy. No matter.

I sleuthed my way to find the creator of this fantastic recipe and found Lianne from Sprout Right which helps women with pre-conception, pregnancy, and post-natal care right through to the introduction of solid foods for their babies and toddlers.

Are you fucking kidding me? How perfect is that?!

I checked out her awesome site and immediately contacted Lianne.

I told her she was free to use me as her fat, lethargic guinea pig and I would chronicle it on the site. She happily agreed and sent me her Kick Start 2011 Healthy Eating Meal Plan which includes a detailed, two week meal plan, all the recipes that go along with it, and helpful tips to get you started including vitamin and supplement suggestions.

She suggested that I go shopping on a Saturday so I could prep Sunday and start Monday. Check!

She also suggested that I give away or throw out all my junk food so it isn’t a temptation while I’m on the diet. Good idea! I ended up just eating it all in a dead-man-walking farewell to my favourite crap which was probably not what she was looking for but onward and upward!

So I’m all ready to go. I have little free-weights, organic bananas and a plethora of fat. Bring it bitches!

Now, I wanted to give you a little context because I’m always frustrated when people say they’ve lost 10 pounds and I have nothing to base it on. If you were 400lbs to begin with then that really isn’t that tricky and if you were 120lbs to start then you better eat a sandwich and shut your skinny pie hole and stop telling me what you weigh.

So this is how much I love you guys. I am going to publish my weight and measurements because I want you to get a sense of where I’m starting from.

I am 5’4″ and, right now, I weight 161lbs (11st 7lb for my UK peeps). I’ll have to post my measurements as I make progress because they are upstairs right now and because they make me throw up in my mouth a little.

Some of you may have recoiled in horror at those stats and some of you may have said, “Pfft, I’d love to be that size” but the point isn’t to make you feel bad (or mortify my father who is oddly obsessed with everyone’s weight except his own) but just to give you an idea of where I’m at.

I even took a ‘before’ picture in a bikini that I wore to Barbados when my husband and I first started dating but I think I should hold onto that in case I ever need to fucking blind an intruder in my house. I ended up taking a picture of me in my sweat pants and a t-shirt which will probably end up being a more palpable “before”.

In the meantime, here is sort of what we’re dealing with as a “before” along with what we will surely be seeing as an “after”:

I plan on going whole hog (maybe not a good term) for a month. 30 days, Baby. Where I go from Hungry Caterpillar to MILF-Butterfly.

Let the whining begin.

Wish me luck!

Here are the follow ups if you’re keeping score:

Losing It – Week One

Losing It – Week Two

Losing It – Week Three

Losing It – Week Four

Tags from the story
,
Written By
More from Amy Morrison

Mmmm, coffee!

Kraft Canada has launched a new line of Keurig®* Compatible Pods so...
Read More

40 Comments

  • This is awesome, and also I want to say that on the Jillian Michaels front, I’ve actually tried her meal plan membership thing and been very pleasantly surprised! I find that the ingredients aren’t terribly expensive, the meals don’t take a super long time to make and aren’t difficult or involved, and they taste not only good but interesting. The curry-baked cauliflower is literally something I could eat with every meal, and for someone who thinks that "just have fruit for dessert instead" is a heresy, I find myself being very satisfied with both the amount of food and the overall composition. I have, however, had to add a piece of toast or cheese here and there, because sometimes we mix and match recipes for lunch and dinner and end up with, like, a whole day without a single starch and mama can’t do that. But I’m also really excited about Sprout Right and can’t wait to check it out!

  • Ha Ha!! I just started the same thing. . .before pictures and Jillian included. .I laughed my butt off reading your post. .. but I have to say. . you really shouldn't have stolen my before picture;)))

    I'm cheering you on. . let's kick this baby fat in the chops and be mighty!

  • Amy, this is one of the funniest and true blog posts I have read in a long time. A few years ago, I bought Jillian Michael's DVD and the Leg Magic machine in my basement. I was on a mad mission to lose weight … even moved my computer down there so that I could work and workout … jumping up every hour for a 10 minutes on the Leg Magic and doing the CD once a day. Needless to say, my boys were 15 and 10 then and totally rejected my meal plan, so it was hard to stay on track, but I did. THE POINT BEING THAT I GOT PREGNANT ONCE I LOST ALL OF THAT WEIGHT AND TONED UP!!! UGG!!! I wish you the best with this attempt to change your eating habits and shape up. I'll check back to see how it's going .. my baby is 4 months old now and I've still got that "ba-dunka-dunk" I cracked up about from the Subway commercials 🙂 Again, awesome blog and best wishes.

  • Good luck – I LOVE the 30 Day Shred – I started doing it before I got married (so about three years ago) and basically kept on doing it until I was too pregnant to do it anymore (I stopped at about 7-8 mos pregnant…I'm due to have my baby any day now) although of course while pregnant I had to modify a few things. I really love it because it is pretty intense, and short enough that I could squeeze it in before work in the morning and not get super bored. And I did have super buff arms in my wedding photos. I'm kind of looking forward to doing it again once the baby is born and I'm able to work out again.

  • Good luck! I have the 30 day shred. Jillian Michaels is the devil, but it's a very effective work out. After I do it, I kind of want to punch her really hard in the neck. But it burns calories, and it's so exhausting, it's impossible to get bored.

  • Good luck Amy.. I responded to your post on my new blog because it tied in with the fitness studio in Vancouver that I was reviewing. (but I can't figure out how to link it, http://www.mamaknows.ca ). From your comments you can see there are lots of women in the same spot, so you don't need to stay in your basement all alone. Try to get out and socialize whilst working out, it will help to keep you going back for more even on days you don't want to. Good job on making it a priority! Good luck!

  • Okay, Eric I'm just going to go ahead and assume you meant to say, "your weight really doesn't seem that heavy" and leave it at that ; )

    Jac, I totally have exercise in the mix there! I'm shredding! I haven't decided if I love or hate Jillian Michael's yet but I'm too sore to hug or assault her at this point so I don't think about it.

  • Diet – check! Exercise – not checked!! What are you going to do here?? All that organic, whole food, high fibre, granular chard is going to mean nothing if you don't bounce the fat around and sweat it off that once sexy arse!! For me, I deliberated and procrastinated about whether I could fit in a boxing class, was pilates the best for me, what about fitball with a swim session on the side. In the end i just started running….yep Forest Gump style and you wouldn't believe it, but I lost weight!!! Got my fat arse, flabby arms and stomach out of bed at 6am ever morning, 5 days a week and ran. Did it kill me? Of course it did, did it work? Hell yes!! Thank god it was dark for the first few mornings because it was not a pretty sight, me panting and sweating like a crazy lady, though after a while it got easier and now I can proudly say I can jog 5km in 30mins.
    All I'm saying, is don't forget to keep that booty movin!!!

  • Were you listening to me whine to my mom on the phone this morning?! I, too have a 3-year-old (yup, lost all the baby weight in 3 months) and a 1.5 year old – baby weight, still here… Thanks for the site recommendation – I'm going to check it out. Good luck to you (and me) in losing this dreaded weight.

    http://www.18years2life.blogspot.com

  • Thanks for noting the Size/Ratio/everyone's go their own deal thing. I get frustrated by people who say, "but you're so skinny!!". Yeah, maybe I am compared to someone who's 5'10" and 200lbs. But I'm not. I'm 5'4" and 135, and compared to my mom who's 5'5" and 95lbs, or my cousin who's 5'11" and 120lbs, I'm a chubster.

    Good luck to you on your quest.

    On a side note, I'm using DailyBurn to help track my caloric intake and my workouts. It's pretty nice, and sets up goals that are easy to hit.

    Cheers,
    Domanique

  • Good luck, if you got the 30 Day Shred, it does work. I was pretty much maimed the first few times I used it. Couldn't even walk up the stairs at my condo and just stood the bottom step until my SO came and picked me up and carried me up. Yup. Hardcore. I lost 20-25lbs while doing the 30DS, eating right, and hitting the gym. Hopefully, I'll be back there again after the baby. Good luck to you!

  • Woo hoo, good luck to you!! If I wasn't 7 months pregnant right now, I'd join you in your weight loss journey. I'm checking out that lady's site, because it sounds like a great plan for after the baby. Or maybe even just to find a better way of eating. I suspect the chili mac and oreos I just had are not on her eating plan.

  • Yay for you, mama! OK, I'm so excited to listen to someone else bitch about how awful and tedious and boring it is to monitor every morsel you put in your mouth. I used to write about this all the time and just got sick of hearing myself say the same thing over and over. But I can't wait to hear from you!! I have decided that the 7 lbs. that have slowly crept back on to my ass the past 8 months are going away. And I don't have time with work and a 16-month old baby and a kindergartener to do anything fancy. So, keeping it simple, I'm gonna try Raisin Bran for 2 meals a day and then a sensible small dinner. Hoping it will work by June. At least I'll be regular.

  • Oops, forgot to add in my last post: losing weight made my boobs smaller! So don't be surprised if that is unpleasant side effect. I was a large B cup, but after the weight loss, a small B to a large A.

  • Best of luck! I'm about 6 months pregnant now and have gained around 23 pounds so far, so any advice for post-pregnancy weight loss would be great. The last time I was pregnant, I gained a bunch of weight the first trimester, but miscarried at 11 weeks and was stuck with the weight gain. I did weight watchers and started running up the stairs at work (my building has 26 flights) with a much skinnier girl, and lost all the weight plus some (I am 5' 3" and was 134, got down to 118) before getting pregnant again. It took me about 5 months to lose the weight, but I loved weight watchers because I could do it online and skip the weirdo meetings, have "bad days" and make up for it later, and still drink alcohol (yippie!). Yes, it can be a pain to log the points, but if you get the little calculator they have online, it's pretty easy, and you won't have to list every food item you eat during the day. Just the points. After a while, it becomes second nature and doesn't feel like a diet, but more like an "adjustment" to your eating habits.

  • i love this! thanks for sharing- i had my third baby three months ago (i also have a three year old and one year old) and and my stats are EXACTLY the same as yours! you're inspiring me to quit complaining and do something about this extra weight!

  • Good for you!
    Also keeping a food journal (even thought what you think is "when will i have time for that?" it helps!
    and finding friends that goes thru the same and why not do a blog like we did. we as "a bunch of mama's that wanted to take hold onto their life and eating habits" and we lost each between 10 and 15 pounds in 3 months…..
    You go girl, we know you can… plus we will be watching you 😉

  • Good luck, Amy! Look forward to hearing your adventures along this path (and I don't know what Cheezies are – are they Canadian? – but I'm sure I'd adore them, as I do Jax, which I'm guessing is the closest thing to their neon orange American cousin).

  • Kick some ass toots!

    And if it works, I that info.

    I've been pregnant for the last four years, and having just had our
    last little one a month ago, I have some serious work ahead of me.
    Or behind me, depends if you're looking at my ass or not.

    Rock it hard babe!
    Good luck.

  • Good luck! Your readers will keep you accountable. It sounds like the ladies at Mommyland have a good group going for this sort of thing on Sparkpeople, which may be fun to join. I was all set to lose the (2.5 year old) baby weight, too — in fact, I had started and I was doing well! And then found out I'm pregnant. Damn. Well, maybe next time.

  • Good luck! I have to say I am so thankful for people like you that put it all out there so I can stalk (and be inspired by!) your progress. So thank you for being so open. And I think your before and after pics are perfection. I am 25 weeks pregnant and considering weight has been an issue my entire life, am dreading having to lose it. I've gained about 27 lbs already so I know I'm going over that lovely 25-35 recommendation. Oh well. Sounds like you have all the tools you need so onward and upward! And don't beat yourself up if you aren't perfect. No one is!

  • Good for you. For me since reading this post all I can think is that I want some Cheezies!Being 29 weeks pg probably has to something to do with that.

  • I lost 20 lbs this summer actually in preparation to get pregnant again using Caloriecount.com and exercising. I even dislocated my shoulder at the beginning of the summer and couldn't exercise as much and I still managed to get the weight off. (I started out at 5'6" 148lbs and got down to 128lbs before getting pregnant again in September) I don't really believe in "dieting" per say because I feel it just sets me up to gain the weight again as when I get skinny I think I can eat like I'm 17 and dancing 40 hours a week when in reality I'm 27 and I'm lucky if I can get a walk around my neighborhood in once a month. I just reduced the amount of calories I was eating every day and METICULOUSLY kept track, that helped me to make healthier choices in the end because it was like "Well, I could have a quarter of that doughnut OR I could have THREE BOWLS of fruit salad instead." I also liked that the website does a nutrition anylisis of your daily intake and gives you a grade like in school so it became kind of a game to get enough potassium in my diet (as that was what I was always lacking!) I plan on using the site again once this baby is born so I can actually remember to eat (as I forget doing that the whole time I'm breastfeeding and then end up eating junk at 10pm at night) and hopefully that will prevent me from gaining any extra weight that is not pregnancy related. I'm 31 weeks and I've gained 30 lbs and I still have to gain about 10 lbs so I'll have a good chunk to get rid of. I'm not going to stress about it though until about a year from now, as it seemed like the weight from my son wanted to hang on that long too!
    Interested to see your progress! How exciting!

  • I blame all of this on the hip-widening that comes with pushing a watermelon out of a lemon.
    ("I'm not fat, My hips just haven't cur-chunked back into place!" Denial is a wonderful coping mechanism.)

    It takes super ovaries to post your stats on line and for that, my neighbo(u)r to the north, I commend you!

    Best of luck, you know that we're all here to support you!!!

  • You know- just when I thought I couldn't love you more… and I was moderately bummed that not being pregnant anymore might dim my love for Pregnant Chicken (apparently something that can't happen).

    Granted I just had my kiddo, I started out heavy and would like to lose as much as I can and not be giant marshmallow momma-as most of the women in my family are.

    Woot Woot! Know you can do it!

  • I love your whitty humor! Good luck on the diet! Stay strong, but let yourself have some good tasting foods. I hope this plan allows for a little bit of good stuff.

  • Good luck!! I've had my own struggles… (thyroid medication, jogging 3 times a week, strength training 1-2 times a week, and the scale isn't moving a frigging OUNCE) so I'll be following along with you and you'll be motivating me to keep my arse in gear, too!

    Right now, I'd just settle for being a MILTHLW (Mom I'd like to have lunch with)… Gotta aim high!

  • That's awesome!! It took me 5 years to lose the baby weight from my first pregnancy and now that he's 8 and surprise!! I'm pregnant again, I'm worried about getting back into those lovely jeans that looked so good. I forgot how exhausting pregnancy is. I'm only 14 weeks and I've gained 8 pounds already. I can't wait to keep reading about your progress because I am gonna follow in your footsteps in about 6 months or 5 years… depending on how I feel… THANKS!!!

  • Amen sister! My "baby" is 4 (with an 8yo older bro), and I have been working my ass off for two years now…but apparently only figuratively, since I still have a baby gut and huge ass. I have run 1/2 marathons, am training for a triathlon, and I STILL CAN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT! And I'm pissed. Training makes me hungry. So I eat. And with an 8yo with attitude, and a 4yo drama queen, Lord knows I can't stop drinking. I will be cheering you on, and shredding with you, in hopes that Jillian can help us both.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *