Baby Sleep Cheat Sheet

When I was cruising around, I noticed their FAQs were really handy. I thought, “Shit, I totally needed this when I had a newborn” because I was forever googling how many naps they were ‘technically’ supposed to be having and how many hours in total they should be sleeping a day (I was usually doing this when they weren’t remotely close to those hours.)

So I asked them if I could have Ryan make up an infographic so you would have a little cheat sheet.

I know every baby is different, but it will give you an idea of what ballpark you should be in at any given time.

I hope you find it handy!

courtesy of

courtesy of


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Awake Training Poem

This magic was posted on the Chicken Shit wall by Tammy Buchanan and I loved it so much that I asked her if I could post it here. 


He will not sleep in a bed, he will not sleep upon his head.

He will not sleep in a crib, he will not sleep - I do not fib.

Not in a car, not in a boat, not in a fluffy winter coat.

He will not sleep in my arms, he will not sleep to his daddy's charms.
He will not sleep after crying, he will not sleep - you think I'm lying?

Not in a pram, not on a tram, not in an afternoon traffic jam.

He will not sleep on my boob, he will not sleep whilst watching the tube.
He will not sleep with the blankets I bought, he will not sleep - I kid you not.

Not if I wear him, not if I bounce him, not if I pray to the sleep gods above him.

I've given him baths, I've offered him cash.
I promised a pony, a puppy, an Ivy League school - I told him I'd always be there to wipe up his drool.

It's been 13 months and he's awake every two hours.
Do I get a medal, a diamond, some flowers?
Please tell me it'll get better, please help me keep my head.
Aww fuck it, he's up.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.



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bibit-all Sleeved Bib Review

When the both my boys were little and starting solids, I used to joke that they changed outfits like they were part of a 17th century French Court. Anything I served them that was wet, gluey, sticky, or even dry (that got gummy once saliva touched it) they covered themselves in it. Everything.

Everyone told me to buy those inexpensive velcro bibs so I had a ton. This is how my feedings went:

  1. Place baby in high chair and put bib on.
  2. Put bib back on after baby pulls it off – I always heard the tell tale “kkkkssshh” of velcro when I would turn to pick up the bowl.
  3. Start feeding baby. One out of every four spoonfuls would end up in the baby. The other three were either misfires (hit a cheek), spit outs, or had hand interference.
  4. Take a damp baby facecloth and wipe face and gummy hands.
  5. Remove bib, roll in ball, and throw in the wash.
  6. Remove sleeper or shirt to clean sleeves.
  7. Remove pants to clean lap.

Even when I would feed my kid in a diaper he would need a bath afterwards because the cheapy bibs only covered about 30% of the food contaminated area.

I tried out a whole bunch of brands but none of them were great and I actually remember saying to my husband, “Why don’t they make something like a painter smock for babies?”

Well now they do. It’s called a bibit-all.

There’s no velco (thank frickin’ God) and it simply puts over your child’s head like a t-shirt. It has long sleeves (hello) and a waterproof backing so nothing will soak through (you know I’m looking at you, watermelon, you sneaky asshole.) I think one of the biggest bonuses is the cuffed neck and sleeves because it leaves less of a gap than the typical long-sleeved gathered bibs do but it's still loose enough so your child is comfortable and doesn't look like Burt Reynolds in 1978.

They are super lightweight, nice and stretchy (they have more of a terry cloth feel than a plastic feel), you can toss it in the washer and dryer no prob, plus, it’s won a ton of fancy awards. It notes that you shouldn’t dry-clean them. I would also like to note that if you dry clean bibs you should consult a damn doctor.

At $20, bibit-alls aren’t cheap but I feel the quality and durability is worth the price. I suppose you could factor in savings from wash loads and stained clothing if you really wanted to get picky about it, but for me the joy of not having to give them a full hose down after every feeding and having sweet potato stains on the cuffs of all their sleepers would be worth it.

They come in blue, pink and my favourite: gender-neutral green and you can find them on the Kiddologic site, Bed Bath & Beyond, Buy Buy Baby and Amazon.

If you end up getting on let me know what you think of it! I would love to know if you think they are as awesome as I do.

Win a bibit-all!

It turns out that you guys think the bibit-all is as cool as I do, so I asked the folks at Kiddologic if we could do a giveaway. They said "sure" (because they rock) and that they would give three winners a bib in the colour of your choice.

(Open to U.S. and Canada)

While I was compesated for my time to write this post, I do not write about shit I don't like. You know that already but I just wanted to add a little reminder : )


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