Okay, I don't know how clever they are but it's what I came up with on the spot.
I tried to come up with some "friend" ones and some "elderly neighbour" ones as well because, you know, you may not want to use the term "fucking" to somebody whose lawn you admire.
I'm going to do five at a time so that there's lots of room for comments from you guys!
- I know!! It's like I'm growing a whole baby or something!
- Holy shit, you too!
- I don't know why either, all I consume these days is cocaine and Diet Sprite. Weird, eh?
"Don't you know what cause that?"
- Public pools, right?
- Yes, fucking.
- Why are you asking? Can't you remember?
"How many more babies are you going to have?"
- Somewhere between one and 47.
- It depends on how many we sell.
- We plan to keep going until we have an ugly one.
"You're not going to find out the sex? But don't you want to know? It would... drive me crazy!"
- Well, that's a short drive anyway, isn't it?
- It wouldn't matter anyway because we're naming it Thermos the Third whether it's a boy OR a girl.
- I'm kind of hoping it's neither and it's just gas.
"Should you be eating that?"
- Well, seeing as you're already eating your foot, I figured I may as well eat this.
- No, I should be eating lots of it.
- Why, because you think it's as dangerous as asking me that question?