Mother Fucking Baby Weight

As far as I'm concerned, we are genetically predisposed to hold onto our fat when we have an infant in case of drought or locusts so I think every mother gets a year pass after having a baby. At least.

That said, my son will be turning 3 in June and I'm still carrying a lot of that extra weight I gained in my pregnancy. I think it's safe to say that I no longer have baby weight and it's just "fat".

I actually lost a lot of the weight the first time around because my son liked to "move" so I walked EVERYWHERE with him so he would sleep. It wasn't unusual for me to go for a two hour walk. He also liked to sleep on me which hindered my cheesie consumption if I couldn't get up and get them or if my husband wasn't in the room.

My second son, however, didn't really like going for walks and slept like a dream so I sat on the couch and Jabba'd out with Diet Pepsi and chips.

So here I am today, fatter than I want to be and needing to do something about it.

I wanted to find something that I could do that would be inexpensive, easy and uncomplicated. I also wanted to do something that was healthy and wasn't gimmicky (no cabbage soup toots for me, thanks) so I started looking around.

First thing I decided on was a Jillian Michael's DVD. I like the idea that I can make an ass of myself in the privacy of my basement and I wouldn't have to waste the time and the money on going to a gym. A lot of people online seem to like her and she seems a little crazy and intense so I thought that was a good sign. I got the 30 Shred. It sounds fucked up. I'm in.

Second thing I wanted to find was an easy meal plan. I wanted to find something that was laid out for me and essentially said, "Eat this". I even looked into having meals delivered but it was really expensive plus, I'd still have to make dinner for the rest of my family.

On the other hand, I don't do well with general weight loss strategies like "no carbs" because it doesn't take much to throw me off. For example:

"Is this a carb? Damn. I don't have any boneless chicken right now, I just have these hotdogs. A hotdog isn't very nutritious. Well, if I'm going to eat a crappy hotdog I may as well have it with the bun and at least enjoy it"

Diet over. Fail.

As luck would have it, my friend Robin came over a couple of weeks ago. Her daughter had just turned one and Robin looked great. I asked her what she did and she told me all the things she was eating and was doing. One of the things she mentioned was this awesome granola bar recipe that kept her feeling full. She sent me the recipe and I immediately ran out and got all the fixin's and made them. They were so delicious that I ate the whole tray which I somehow doubt is part of an effective weight loss strategy. No matter.

I sleuthed my way to find the creator of this fantastic recipe and found Lianne from Sprout Right which helps women with pre-conception, pregnancy, and post-natal care right through to the introduction of solid foods for their babies and toddlers.

Are you fucking kidding me? How perfect is that?!

I checked out her awesome site and immediately contacted Lianne.

I told her she was free to use me as her fat, lethargic guinea pig and I would chronicle it on the site. She happily agreed and sent me her Kick Start 2011 Healthy Eating Meal Plan which includes a detailed, two week meal plan, all the recipes that go along with it, and helpful tips to get you started including vitamin and supplement suggestions.

She suggested that I go shopping on a Saturday so I could prep Sunday and start Monday. Check!

She also suggested that I give away or throw out all my junk food so it isn't a temptation while I'm on the diet. Good idea! I ended up just eating it all in a dead-man-walking farewell to my favourite crap which was probably not what she was looking for but onward and upward!

So I'm all ready to go. I have little free-weights, organic bananas and a plethora of fat. Bring it bitches!

Now, I wanted to give you a little context because I'm always frustrated when people say they've lost 10 pounds and I have nothing to base it on. If you were 400lbs to begin with then that really isn't that tricky and if you were 120lbs to start then you better eat a sandwich and shut your skinny pie hole and stop telling me what you weigh.

So this is how much I love you guys. I am going to publish my weight and measurements because I want you to get a sense of where I'm starting from.

I am 5'4" and, right now, I weight 161lbs (11st 7lb for my UK peeps). I'll have to post my measurements as I make progress because they are upstairs right now and because they make me throw up in my mouth a little.

Some of you may have recoiled in horror at those stats and some of you may have said, "Pfft, I'd love to be that size" but the point isn't to make you feel bad (or mortify my father who is oddly obsessed with everyone's weight except his own) but just to give you an idea of where I'm at.

I even took a 'before' picture in a bikini that I wore to Barbados when my husband and I first started dating but I think I should hold onto that in case I ever need to fucking blind an intruder in my house. I ended up taking a picture of me in my sweat pants and a t-shirt which will probably end up being a more palpable "before".

In the meantime, here is sort of what we're dealing with as a "before" along with what we will surely be seeing as an "after":

I plan on going whole hog (maybe not a good term) for a month. 30 days, Baby. Where I go from Hungry Caterpillar to MILF-Butterfly.

Let the whining begin.

Wish me luck!

Here are the follow ups if you're keeping score:

Losing It – Week One

Losing It – Week Two

Losing It – Week Three

Losing It – Week Four

From around the web

Can I eat junk food while pregnant?

We all know junk food is crap (hence the name). It makes us fat, it fills ups up when we should be eating broccoli and some of it is full of chemicals that we aren't entirely sure what it does to lab rats let alone us, but it gets stepped up a notch when pregnant women are involved and that doesn't seem fair to me. Yes, there's a baby involved but I'm not sure the adamant holier-than-thou stance is called for.

Just so we're clear, junk foods are typically ready to eat convenience foods containing high levels of saturated fats, salt, or sugar; with little or no fruit, vegetables, or dietary fibre – or what I like to refer to as, "delicious".

Here are the reasons given not to eat junk food while pregnant:

  • You will gain too much weight which you, no doubt, will not be able to take off and therefore run the risk of heart and high blood pressure problems after your pregnancy.
  • You will gain too much weight and develop gestational diabetes and preeclampsia during your pregnancy.
  • You will eat junk food in the place of nutritional food and you and your baby won't get the vitamins or protein you need.
  • You will increase the likelihood of unhealthy eating habits in your child.
  • You will be increasing your exposure to chemicals, preservatives and dyes that will be passed along to your child – they're not quite sure what that does but it probably isn't good.

Now, let's say, I dunno, you feel like an entire bag of chips after you've had your chicken breast and steamed vegetables for dinner. And let's say that you're on track with weight gain and you weren't obese before you got pregnant. And let's just say they're organic chips that were whittled by singing hippies and have nothing but good old, wholesome potatoes, salt and oil. Could I find anything about that? Nope.

Should you eat junk food? No. Should any of us? No. Should your diet be exclusive to cheesies and Junior Mints for your entire pregnancy? I doubt it. Should you hammer back an entire tub of Häagen-Dazs while you dust the chips crumbs off your belly because you feel like a beached whale anyway and you're hungry dammit? I'm going to go ahead and give that a resounding "Hell yeah, bitch". I probably shouldn't but I'm eating jelly beans and typing with one hand so screw it.

search: junk food and pregnancy 

From around the web

How much weight to gain during pregnancy

This is one of those things where doctors tell you that you have to gain weight then are all "Whoa, easy there Horton" if you gain too much.

There seems to be two camps of women where this one is an issue: ones that are scared to gain any weight because they are so accustomed to keeping it off and women who use pregnancy as an excuse to unhinge their jaw and eat 20 buckets of chicken in a sitting (wafer thin mint, sir?).

So since the 1970s, the powers-that-be have advised women in North America to gain 25 - 35 pounds during their pregnancies. Women who are over weight are advised to gain 5-10 lbs less and women who are under weight are advised to gain 5-10 lbs more. Here is an approximate breakdown of where it's all going if you're carrying a single baby:

Baby - 8 pounds
- 2-3 pounds
Amniotic fluid
- 2-3 pounds
- 2-3 pounds
- 3-4 pounds
Fat & water - 5-9 pounds (or, if you're like me, 60 pounds)
Uterus increase - 2-5 pounds

Total: 25 to 35 pounds

As for the risks associated with tipping the scales either way:

If you gain too much weight: The only clear cut thing I could find on this one is that you are more likely to have a big baby, which can cause labour complications and puts you at a higher risk for having a cesarean delivery. There is also some talk of your giant baby becoming obese as an adult but the studies I read were a little wishy washy on whether it was because of pregnancy weight gain or just because obese people tend to feed their kids obese foods.

The other issues stem from going into your pregnancy over weight. This includes not taking off the weight from your previous pregnancies. It seems that if you start pregnancy overweight you are at higher risk for complications including gestational diabetes and preeclampsia and it increases the risk of breast cancer and type 2 diabetes later in life. But as far as I'm concerned that's a whole lot of fat chat that we already know about that has less to do with pregnancy and more to do with the risks associated with being over weight so they aren't shaking the donut free from my hand yet.

If you don't gain enough weight: You at higher risk of delivering a preterm infant or a low-birth-weight baby (under 5.5 pounds). But lets say you're a relentless barfing machine from morning sickness and we're not just talking about once here and there, but constant vomiting which is clinically called hyperemesis gravidarum. No long-term follow-up studies have been conducted on children of hyperemetic women but they don't appear to have any greater risk of complications or birth defects than other children. That said, it's treated fairly aggressively because it's damn unpleasant and because of the risks listed above.

On an interesting note, in England, women are weighed only at the beginning and end of the pregnancy, with medical experts citing the lack of evidence that monitoring weight promotes healthier births. Yet another reason I would move to Europe if I was going to give birth again – acceptable wine drinking on occasion being the first reason.

As for myself, I gained 65lbs in both of my pregnancies. The first time around I was meticulous about making sure I was eating all the right things then added some ice cream and a ton of french fries on top of it because I was HUNGRY. Not just peckish, but knock-over-the-kid-with-the-cookie-a-steal-it hungry. The second time around, I felt like shit so I ate Mr. Noodle and whatever my toddler dropped on the floor. Yet I still gained the same amount of weight.

There are a few people that think you are a little pre-disposed to gaining a certain amount of weight regardless of what you eat or don't eat. I like these people. They can move to Europe with me.

search: pregnancy weight gain, weight gain in pregnancy, pregnancy weight gain guidelines, weight gain during pregnancy

From around the web