Mother Fucking Baby Weight

As far as I'm concerned, we are genetically predisposed to hold onto our fat when we have an infant in case of drought or locusts so I think every mother gets a year pass after having a baby. At least.

That said, my son will be turning 3 in June and I'm still carrying a lot of that extra weight I gained in my pregnancy. I think it's safe to say that I no longer have baby weight and it's just "fat".

I actually lost a lot of the weight the first time around because my son liked to "move" so I walked EVERYWHERE with him so he would sleep. It wasn't unusual for me to go for a two hour walk. He also liked to sleep on me which hindered my cheesie consumption if I couldn't get up and get them or if my husband wasn't in the room.

My second son, however, didn't really like going for walks and slept like a dream so I sat on the couch and Jabba'd out with Diet Pepsi and chips.

So here I am today, fatter than I want to be and needing to do something about it.

I wanted to find something that I could do that would be inexpensive, easy and uncomplicated. I also wanted to do something that was healthy and wasn't gimmicky (no cabbage soup toots for me, thanks) so I started looking around.

First thing I decided on was a Jillian Michael's DVD. I like the idea that I can make an ass of myself in the privacy of my basement and I wouldn't have to waste the time and the money on going to a gym. A lot of people online seem to like her and she seems a little crazy and intense so I thought that was a good sign. I got the 30 Shred. It sounds fucked up. I'm in.

Second thing I wanted to find was an easy meal plan. I wanted to find something that was laid out for me and essentially said, "Eat this". I even looked into having meals delivered but it was really expensive plus, I'd still have to make dinner for the rest of my family.

On the other hand, I don't do well with general weight loss strategies like "no carbs" because it doesn't take much to throw me off. For example:

"Is this a carb? Damn. I don't have any boneless chicken right now, I just have these hotdogs. A hotdog isn't very nutritious. Well, if I'm going to eat a crappy hotdog I may as well have it with the bun and at least enjoy it"

Diet over. Fail.

As luck would have it, my friend Robin came over a couple of weeks ago. Her daughter had just turned one and Robin looked great. I asked her what she did and she told me all the things she was eating and was doing. One of the things she mentioned was this awesome granola bar recipe that kept her feeling full. She sent me the recipe and I immediately ran out and got all the fixin's and made them. They were so delicious that I ate the whole tray which I somehow doubt is part of an effective weight loss strategy. No matter.

I sleuthed my way to find the creator of this fantastic recipe and found Lianne from Sprout Right which helps women with pre-conception, pregnancy, and post-natal care right through to the introduction of solid foods for their babies and toddlers.

Are you fucking kidding me? How perfect is that?!

I checked out her awesome site and immediately contacted Lianne.

I told her she was free to use me as her fat, lethargic guinea pig and I would chronicle it on the site. She happily agreed and sent me her Kick Start 2011 Healthy Eating Meal Plan which includes a detailed, two week meal plan, all the recipes that go along with it, and helpful tips to get you started including vitamin and supplement suggestions.

She suggested that I go shopping on a Saturday so I could prep Sunday and start Monday. Check!

She also suggested that I give away or throw out all my junk food so it isn't a temptation while I'm on the diet. Good idea! I ended up just eating it all in a dead-man-walking farewell to my favourite crap which was probably not what she was looking for but onward and upward!

So I'm all ready to go. I have little free-weights, organic bananas and a plethora of fat. Bring it bitches!

Now, I wanted to give you a little context because I'm always frustrated when people say they've lost 10 pounds and I have nothing to base it on. If you were 400lbs to begin with then that really isn't that tricky and if you were 120lbs to start then you better eat a sandwich and shut your skinny pie hole and stop telling me what you weigh.

So this is how much I love you guys. I am going to publish my weight and measurements because I want you to get a sense of where I'm starting from.

I am 5'4" and, right now, I weight 161lbs (11st 7lb for my UK peeps). I'll have to post my measurements as I make progress because they are upstairs right now and because they make me throw up in my mouth a little.

Some of you may have recoiled in horror at those stats and some of you may have said, "Pfft, I'd love to be that size" but the point isn't to make you feel bad (or mortify my father who is oddly obsessed with everyone's weight except his own) but just to give you an idea of where I'm at.

I even took a 'before' picture in a bikini that I wore to Barbados when my husband and I first started dating but I think I should hold onto that in case I ever need to fucking blind an intruder in my house. I ended up taking a picture of me in my sweat pants and a t-shirt which will probably end up being a more palpable "before".

In the meantime, here is sort of what we're dealing with as a "before" along with what we will surely be seeing as an "after":

I plan on going whole hog (maybe not a good term) for a month. 30 days, Baby. Where I go from Hungry Caterpillar to MILF-Butterfly.

Let the whining begin.

Wish me luck!

Here are the follow ups if you're keeping score:

Losing It – Week One

Losing It – Week Two

Losing It – Week Three

Losing It – Week Four