Monday
Jun142010
about me
My name is Amy Morrison and I'm the broad behind the bird.
In my former life I was a creative director at an ad agency but decided to quit and go freelance as an art director/graphic designer in 2004.
My fella and I have two little boys that are the apples of my eye, the light of my life and the pain in my ass. We love them more than bacon.
We live in Toronto in the semi-burbs with our geriatric cat and the occasional carpenter ant.
Not enough you say?
Well, here are a couple random details about me:
- I can guarantee everything I post on this site will have an error in it even though I read it 50 times.
- I think David Sedaris is the funniest person on the planet. I don't ever want to meet him because I'd just start crying like a Justin Bieber fan and pass out in a puddle of my own urine – I can't imagine that would make a very good impression.
- I have very eclectic taste in music. I listen to ABBA, Frank Zappa, The Mills Brothers, Tom Jones, AC/DC, The Housemartins, opera, crunk and everything in between.
- I'm not a big fan of chocolate. I know that makes me dead to some people.
- I'm painfully shy but compensate for it by acting like an asshat.
- Behind every picture in my house there are about four holes where I have previously hung it only to decide it was too high/low/dumb.
- I have trouble understanding accents which makes me feel both racists and ignorant. I find Scottish accents particularly difficult.
- I have a number of outfits in my summer wardrobe that are technically bathing suit cover-ups but I wear them as clothes.
- I have a crush on the Blue Wiggle. I've even Googled him.
- I really like bird watching and gardening so I should ease into old age quite seamlessly – coffee with dinner is only a matter of time.
- I don't get poetry that doesn't rhyme, jazz or long distance running no matter how hard I try or how many people tell me how wonderful it is.
- I have an irrational fear (yes, I'd say phobia) of heights and mascots. I would be screwed if my only escape from the A&W Bear was up a ladder.
- I have an uncanny ability to identify dog breeds and I'm not sure where that came from.
- My most favourite sound in the world is the sound of my kids chewing.
- I have never dated a man that needed corrective eye wear. I must sense something is off like in Species. I just wish I could fire my tongue through the back of someone's head. For the record, I wear contact lenses AND I have allergies.
- I address my children as Bug, Bobby Buttons, Mr Bojanggles, Buddy, Baboo and Snicky Snake and rarely by their names.
- I wish I could speak chinese and play banjo. Nothing would be cooler than to scream "ni hao" then launch into a blue grass lick.
- I am flabbergasted when I don't win the lottery. I'm not sure if that's optimism or stupidity, or both.
- If I'm going to be eating dinner alone I can almost guarantee I'll have spaghetti.
- I keep the pictures people send me in Christmas cards.
- My eldest was diagnosed with moderate autism when he was three.
- I've never left fries on my plate.
- I wish I could get a tan.
- I swear a lot.
- I used to model professionally in the Ukraine but gave it up to pursue my love of civil war reenactment (I also lie when I've run out of things to tell you).
That's how I roll, son.
Bawk!
54 Comments
Reader Comments (54)
wow, you sound exactly like me! we are very alike! some of your articles have me in stitches! keep em coming love xx
Holy Crap. That was the funniest and best About Me ever posted. I love you so much. I won't stalk you though. Can we just be best friends? We have so much in common. I knew we would have a special bond...
Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever.
Anthony Field
Me Talk Pretty One Day
Because you probably don't think I'm crazy for loving the things I just typed...
Also, the Cap'n owns a bluegrass banjo that I bought for him at a pawn shop deep in the ghetto in Philadelphia. Then I had to carry it 14 blocks back to my office because I couldn't get a cab because I was in such a bad neighborhood. I want you to imagine a pudgy white girl struggling with her briefcase and a bluegrass banjo through 14 blocks of wig shops, "pharmacies" and specialty food stores that only sell soda and lottery tickets. And yes, I stopped to get a lottery ticket and to my surprise I DID NOT WIN.
I love you.
Lydia
If you want to hear banjo and Chinese in the same context, check out Abby Washburn. I predict you'll love her. I've added you to my short list with RFM as blogs I must check every day!
I'm so checking out Abby Washburn. It sounds like she's living my dream.
And as for my dream, Lydia, I love you and our special bond. I can't wait to sit around listening to the Cap'n pluck a little Deliverance and talk about what we do for love.....and wig shops.
First: hilarious
Second: I'm relieved to learn about the eyewear thing -- all this time I thought you'd never hit on my because of my devilish bad looks.
Third: You, shy?!
Oh Tom, I've never hit on you because, unlike the men I've dated, I'm blind as a bat so I probably wasn't sure who I was talking to. The other explanation could have been that a basenji was walking by so I was too busy thinking "Wow there's a basenji. You don't see those too often. If I remember correctly, they don't bark."
I cannot believe I did not find you before this! And I'm going onto my third baby!
Okay, I still have the vinyl Housemartins Caravan of Love Album.
I own everything that David Sedaris has published.
I don't like chocolate - only swedish berries.
The Blue Wiggle is the hotest!
I am continually pissed off when I don't win the lottery.
I live an hour outside of Toronto, but am in the TO burbs a lot.
I curse like a trucker when my kids arent' around.
I love your blog! Thanks for sharing!
Stephanie
aka Dirty Mommy
and there's a mistake even though I read this 20 times before I hit 'create post'!
Oh man, swedish berries are up there with fuzzy peaches and sour jube jubes.
I'm so glad you found me!
Ok.. I am hooked.. I can't get enough of your experiences, FINALLY, someone is talking freely about being a mother, I remember when I attended my first mothers group, sleep deprived, total emotional freak! I started bawling on the fact that my boobs were gynormous, and my husband thought it was super sexy, and all I can think of what it was like to be a cow...yeah super sexy...
Now I have two boys, and all my four year old talks about is his stinky ass.
Is this what motherhood is coming to?
Can't wait to hear your experiences having two boys like me so I can feel bit normal...
I had a huge crush on Steve from Blue's Clues, and got really pissed when he left and "Joe" took over. That's not even his real name!
I found you by accident, but I'm glad I did.
You need to see the Blue Wiggle (aka Anthony) dance to Dr. Nickerbocker... just sayin' *wink*
Ooookay, so that was one of THE best "about me"s I've ever read.
Sincerely.
:)
Hmmm.
Is that sarcastic-- "most favourite sound in the world is the sound of my kids chewing."..... ?
Also, I wish I could get a tan. Sigh. It's just not in my genes.
You are dang funny, Girl! If you are such a David Sedaris fan, why isn't your blog called 'Pregnant Rooster'...well, that doesn't make much sense, but apparently these days roosters can get pregnant- I've seen it on Oprah, afterall! Thanks for entertaining me this morning!
This is so funny, witty, and real. Love it, and you! And I won't stalk you either, I live way over here on the Saskatchewan prairies, it's just too far to travcel to stalk, so I will stalk Pregnant Chicken every now and then, whenever I desperately need a laugh, so I don't hurt my children when they drive me crazy! Thanks again for making my week a little brighter!
The Blue Wiggle-I lust after him-Anthony is his name. His singing & dancing will never get old.
I also adore the sound of my child chewing!
best "about me" ever. no contest.
found you because my husband sent me the awkward pregnancy photos, because through all three pregnancies he tried to take pictures of me and I refused. Those photos are proof that I made the right choice.
I had a s*x dream about the Blue Wiggle when pregnant with my 2nd. I can't watch the Christmas special anymore.
Oh, and my 2nd is also mildly autistic, diagnosed at age 3. I get how that shapes a person and a family.
Looking forward to reading more from you.
will you please move to south carolina and be my friend? i have never laughed so hard at an "about me" page...thanks for that!
I'm loving your blogs. Tres funny.
Bought my first pair of fat pants last week (I'm about 11 weeks preggers) and thought, why don't we wear these always and forever?! Honestly. I want giant stomach panels in all my pants so's it can be thanksgiving every day.
Enough about pants, I love your blog.
HA! love it...just was turned on to your blog...and your great! I have a 2 yr old girl and so happy to find a mommy blogger I can actually relate to!
I just linked to your awkward pregnancy photos (being a family/maternity photog I found them more than just funny-creepilarious I think might be the word) on my FB page, never have I so immediately had some many people respond that they were peeing their pants laughing. Anyhoo, two youngins of my own so maybe I'll find some time to read through the archives, someday- but for now, two thumbs up.
I love David Sedaris too, but more so when I'm listening to him read his stuff - he's funnier that way than on the page, I think.
My husband and I went to Scotland for our honeymoon and, on the train, there was a couple yelling at their kids. I asked my husband what language they were speaking and he said, "Uh, ENGLISH." Well, excuuuuse me, their accents were so strong! He explained that every country has their rednecks (we oughta know, we live in the South) and that rednecks are hard to understand in any language/dialect. Well hush ma mouth!
I swear a lot, too. I'm fluent in cursing. Does that make me bilingual?
You are awesome!!!